Take Me Deeper Dear

WordPress Daily Prompt – Superficial

Take me deeper dear,
Past the small talk.
Past the “how are you”
To the “why are you”?
Ask me why we’re here,
What’s the meaning
Of all this again?
Tell me of life and love and music
That pulses through your veins.
Talk about the universe and the stars,
About how small we truly are.
Tell me about that glimmer in your eye,
The magic in your soul.
Tell me about the mountains and the oceans,
About the snow on Christmas.
Gift me your memories,
The good and the bad,
Even the awkward and sad.
Take me deeper dear.


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It’s Just Not Fashionable …

WordPress Daily Prompt – Fashionable

Look out! Actual blog incoming!

There was a time, in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t that long ago, when my head was so fucking loud.

At any given second there were a thousand things all competing for a space on my mind. There was drama, loathing, negativity …

I hated everyone but most of all, above everything else, I hated myself.

I absolutely couldn’t stand myself and anytime a moment of pride, a good thought, a feeling of something well deserved, managed to sneak in … it only made me dig that dagger deeper.

I suffered from crippling depression. Killing myself was an almost daily thought although I never acted on it because I didn’t think I was worth the effort it would take to clean up.

It was more that I just wanted to disappear.

I wanted to go away but I wanted to do so in the least evasive way possible. Lest I find myself further inconveniencing others with my life, or lack thereof.

I couldn’t let myself have good things. In my mind I deserved the bad, I brought it down on myself like a wayward child purposely toppling case after case of books on themselves.

It hurt, I knew it would hurt but in my mind I deserved it.

And then one day something happened.

Something from my past came forward to find me. The universe so eloquently dropped it  right into my lap and reminded me that you can’t run from things that are meant to be a part of you.

I don’t know that I had ever cried as hard as I did in that moment.

I don’t know that I had ever felt the relief that I did in that moment.

I don’t know that I had ever felt anything in the way that I did in that moment.

After that I learned the art of being still and being quiet. I learned how to quiet my mind and how to bring myself peace. I learned to be ok with the times where I falter, because everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has days and moments and honestly that’s life with depression. It’s up and down and all around sometimes. I learned to steer myself instead of letting the noise in my head take the wheel.

All of this comes into sharp focus for me when I see things on TV that seem to glamorize things like suicide. TV shows that attempt to show it and explain it but do so in such teenage drama ways that they miss the point. Or when I see mass destruction, people driven by forces that are purely evil, raining terror down on others.

And I see ways that we could help these things, ways we could have real conversations but it’s fashionable, in some circles it seems, to be loud, to let the noise take the wheel. Those conversations will never happen when the noise is driving.

I don’t know how to implore the world to be still, to think, to be quiet then speak. I don’t know if we can and I honestly don’t if it would help but these days it seems like maybe the need for noise should fall out of fashion.


Also, go check out The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch! We have some amazing collaborators with great insights on the art of writing

Heartache Launched by Your Eyes

WordPress Daily Prompt – Launch

I wrote you a poem, but I know you’ll never read it,

Every word seems breathy and full of some self serving purpose

I really just want to tell you …

But it’s hard when I know it’s been so long.

The cracks have been buried deep yet sometimes still they quake,

Shaking violently only to remind me that they still exist,

Sending the words we said ricocheting around these dusty memories.

I want to believe these brief launches into the past

Are more than just old heart ache taking hold

But I know I’m just selling myself a daydream.

I know I’m reading too much into that look in your eyes.

I know you never think of me.


 

Shameless self promotion incoming – go check out The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch

There’s a new wonderful post up by Bisma, My Words, My Savior

 

When It’s Real

They say when it’s real it’s never over.
It’s hard for me to say,
Without melting into all the sappy gooeyness
That oozes out of love poetry.
But these are things I can say:
When I look in your eyes everything disappears.
I’m reminded that it’s me and you;
A force against the world.
I’m reminded that home was never a place,
Never a cushy pillow or a soft blanket,
But a spot in your arms, against your shoulder,
Moving with your heartbeat,
Whispering all those words grossly inappropriate,
Ridiculously nerdy,
Horribly cheesy,
And never feeling the least bit uncomfortable,
In your laughter,
Your smile,
The way your hands move along my spine.
I’m reminded that it’s support,
Not the unfailing, unwavering, always yes,
Even if it’s the worst idea yet,
But the unflailing,
The ‘honey maybe you shouldn’t’
Not because I don’t love you
But because it’s just a bad idea.
I’m reminded that
When it’s true,
When it’s real,
When another has taken your heart
Making that promise to protect it,
That it’s a conscious choice,
Love I mean.
And I know what they mean,
When they say …
When it’s real, it’s never over.

Here Again

WordPress Daily Prompt – Coincidence

I never believed it was by coincidence
We found ourselves on the same path.
Even when our paths parted,
We were destined to remain side by side.
I don’t believe it’s coincidence
We’ve found ourselves here again.


Also! Go check out The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch!!!!!

There are new articles up now:

My Refuge – Writing by Pradita Kapahi of The Pradita Chronicles

A Journey of Demons, Enlightenment, Tragedy and Hope by Brett Little of Individual Expressions of a Naive Mind

My Writing Journey by Wanji of Beauty By Wanji

Seriously, I’m completely awestruck and amazed that I get to write along side this amazing talent. Go check the posts out and give these wonderful people some love.

 

Embrace the Chaos (Why I Love My Rock N Roll)

WordPress Daily Prompt – Enamored

I’m a little enamored …. In reality I’ve just had this in my head for a while and have been looking for an excuse to write it. It doesn’t fit the prompt really but who cares …

Rock n’ roll.

Chaos.

Rebels.

Our world in it’s purest form is nothing more than chaos.

We’re human, we can’t function in that. We have to categorize, name, label … we have to organize. How else can we maintain control of the chaos? And if you can’t maintain control of the chaos … well, what do you have?

I fell in love with music at an early age and I fell in love with rock n’ roll when I realized how it embraced the chaos.

The very essence of rock n’ roll is chaos, it’s the ever changing, ever evolving, ever rebelling against the categories, names and labels that society has tried to fit over it. At best society finds a neat box for it postmortem but by then it’s slipped again, right through the fingers and onto the next evolution.

How beautiful that change always is.

How misunderstood as well.

In reality everything we know is based off concepts we’ve created. All of our ideas, all of our perceptions, everything in the most basic forms comes from decisions made by other beings just like us. Someone decided the grass was green and the sky was blue and it was so, now that’s what we’re taught.

Seeing the grass as any other color is weird.

We put clocks on ourselves, gave ourselves a set number of hours, days and years. We govern ourselves by our clocks, by what we believe that concept of how much time has passed should say.  We tell ourselves we should or shouldn’t do certain things, we should or shouldn’t love certain people all because maybe we’ve had more or less time pass than others.

Saying age is only a number is odd.

We live in a society that tries to maintain control of the chaos. We poke and prod, we push to extreme measures, we punish, sometimes viciously, those who break the molds.

Then, roaring out of nowhere, comes rock n’ roll. A band of people, just like you and I, riding the chaos. But, they fall outside of societies box, so they’re rebels, they’re bad, they’ll influence your children to drink and smoke and get all drugged up. Then they’ll drag them to the pits of hell and back again on their chaos beast.

Maybe it’s more that the greatest fear we have is the fear of change and what is chaos but change in a constant fluctuating state?

Just like the world around us is always changing so to is rock n’ roll.

The risk comes when you have to decide if you’ll ride that change or if you’ll allow yourself to be placed into a box and neatly labelled.

For me, I will always choose to embrace the chaos. I will always side with my rock n’ roll.