Actual blog post time!
I hate to actually get a little bit personal in a bloggy way but I’ve been wanting to let this load off my shoulders and this prompt is just perfect for it.
Substandard, shoddy, third-rate, below rate, sub-par, crummy, lousy ….
I’m going to go ahead and put a confession out there: I’m insanely and unnecessarily hard on myself.
I’ve gotten better as the years have gone by but there was a point when it was all or nothing and I frequently just opted for nothing as I figured I would never even dream of achieving “all”.
Even now, when I’ve learned to accept compliments and recognize the things I’ve achieved I have moments where I feel like a complete and total failure.
Last night was a complete and total failure night. I ended up sitting on my bed in tears repeating to myself that I was not a failure.
But I felt like one.
I’m a single mom and my daughter is a preteen with an attitude bigger than life. I’m behind in school work. I don’t understand the homework. My house isn’t clean enough. My younger dog seems to have forgotten his training. My older dog is having none of it and is letting everybody know. My load at work has doubled and my stress has tripled (which has snowballed and led to some of the other things).
By the end of Sunday night it was all I could do to simply hold it together and in the end I couldn’t accomplish that either.
I felt completely substandard.
I think it’s easy, especially these days when we have social media to egg on these perfect images of life, to feel that way.
It’s important to remember that everyone struggles, we all have our moments where we feel less than. It’s how we handle them that counts.
Allowing those moments to take over and consume us will only lead down a path of more doubt, more confusion, more self loathing.
Take it from someone who has been there and done that. It’s not fun.
It sounds ridiculous, I thought so at first too, but when I’m having a moment where I feel like a failure I talk myself up. People laugh, “Oh you talk to yourself! Har har!” Damn straight I do. And you know what? It works.
I repeat some of the things I’ve achieved.
Sometimes they’re the simplest of things: I cooked dinner. We have a place to live and food. I have a job.
But sometimes those simple achievements are the ones I really need to appreciate.